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Beyond the Beyond: Update 76: The Land That Diplomacy Forgot (Barbaros)
Now where was the team again? I remember Finn freaking out and a lot of monsters and something else...
That's right! Barbaros Castle is dead ahead. Buried deep in a thick forest the castle is the only bastion of civilization in Barbaros. At least for this kingdom it makes sense what with all the forest and mountains and hordes of deadly monsters running around.
*breathing heavily* 
For the last time there are no bats in the castle, Finn. Probably. And even if there are they'd be small and harmless.
Kind of like Steiner!
*eyes Steiner* That doesn't help at all, Tont! 
Tee hee hee! At least now you admit my awesome power.
As much as I'm sure Samson is enjoying this delay we can't spend all day standing around in this forest.
Yeah! More bats might come along and attack us!
Eek!
Oh for the love of Arawn! Give it a rest, Steiner! You've already proved your point.
Aww, but I haven't driven it completely into the ground yet. *gives Steiner the stink eye*
Okay, okay. No more bats.
Once Finn is calmed down the team approaches the castle. A pair of soldiers guards the outer gate.
Hi there! Is this Barbaros?
(east) Indeed it is! This is the honorable Kingdom of Barbaros! No cowards here! We are all hardened heroes of battle. All of you? What happens if someone turns out to be a coward? (west) The king exiles them to the mountains!
I wonder how many of those cowards learn magic and cavort with monsters...
That's just responding to their exile with the fun option.
(west) Did you cross the river?
Sort of.
(west) I'm surprised you negotiated such a complex area. Even we get lost there at times.
People actually brave all those mountains to go down by the river?
(east) Of course we do. Why wouldn't we?
Maybe because monsters are everywhere.
(west) You can't be afraid of a few monsters. If they want a fight we'll give 'em one.
To the east is another soldier just sort of wandering around the grass. A nice line of trees walls off the area.
Keeping your eyes open for trouble, human? Today's boring. There's nothing to see.
Any trouble lately?
I wish. The sky in the east looks ominous... Nothing we can't handle.
You would handle the clouds directly?
If need be. How?
Uh... I think we should leave the clouds to deal with themselves and worry about Shutat.
I was just curious if this guy had an actual plan.
On the western side is another soldier doing a whole lot of nothing.
Are you another sentry?
There are a lot of monsters around Barbaros lately. They must be brave wandering around here.
What makes you think they're brave?
This is Barbaros. Only those trained in the art of war are allowed to live here.
And how is that training done? Do you just turn the kids out and make them face off against monsters?
Sounds like Kevins has been here.
Dad never forced me to fight anyone. Except him... but that was just part of the training.
Having no one else outside the castle walls to pester the team heads north. Upon entering the courtyard a cutscene begins.
Why don't you come and get me?
(1st) I don't... You dare to hesitate? Come on! Don't hold back!
(1st) Princess Lorele, are you ready? Aaiiiaaahh!
The soldier charges at Princess Lorele who jumps over them, doing a flip in the air before landing. The soldier looks around confused.
(1st) Where?
Over here!
(1st) There? But how?
Had enough?!
(1st) Your speed won't save you from this!
Before the soldier can make another attack Princess Lorele executes a flying jump kick straight to their face which sends them flying back.
(1st) Ugh...
*steadies breathing*
A second soldier rushes over to check the first.
(2nd) Are you all right? *pause* He's out cold!
Now that was a kick!
You ain't kiddin'.
Praar! These other humans don't stand a chance.
A moment of stillness passes before a third soldier steps forward.
(3rd) Princess Lorele, I will not hold back... even though you are a princess. Now! Everyone! Get her!
Three of the four soldiers still standing then rush towards Prince Lorele.
What did we walk in on?
This is probably a typical day for them.
My question still stands. Sis, I think we just walked in on the local princess showing her subjects just how far behind her they are.
Painful lessons for everyone!
So, Steiner, does this also remind you of Lord Kevins?
Hmm... a bit.
A fight cloud erupts conveniently obscuring the battle under a comical haze of stacked sprites. One soldier is suddenly ejected and flies to the north.
There's one down!
One by one the other soldiers are ejected from the fight cloud to unceremonious landings on the cobblestone path. Afterwards Princess Lorele looks around.
That's enough for today.
Princess Lorele takes a few steps to her left to address a woman standing in the castle's shadow.
Make sure no one is hurt, okay? I'm going outside.
By yourself?
Don't worry. I won't be gone long. I just need to get out there and stretch my legs.
Alright. I'll see to everything while you're gone.
With that agreement Princess Lorele at last notices the fact that the castle has visitors and walks over to the team.
Oh my! You... you have a dragon as a pet!
Steiner flies over to Lorele.
What are you talking about? I am not his pet! I'm Finn's friend!
... I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm sorry. Goodbye, cute little dragon.
Somebody actually thinks Steiner's cute? Well I'll be! That's because I am cute! I'm probably the cutest dragon in the whole world.
That's easy to say when you're the only dragon who will talk to us.
When you're as adorable as I am you don't need brute strength. What the hell does that mean? It means that Steiner's back to messing with us.
As the team ponder's Steiner's cuteness Lorele strolls right on out of the castle gate. Steiner afterwards flies up to Finn.
She understands my words! We all understand your words, Steiner. Even when the sentences you string them into make no sense the words themselves are intelligible.
Is Steiner blushing?
Oh my! The shoe is suddenly on the other paw!
Don't get all full of yourself, Finn. I'm just struck by her fighting spirit. That's all.
Suuuure it is.
So today we've learned that dragons can develop crushes on humans.
Don't be stupid. That's impossible. Humans and dragons are way too different for that to happen.
A likely story.
Praar! What's that noise?
Steiner flies out into the courtyard as the soldiers begin picking themselves up off the ground. They dust themselves off and are presumably no worse for wear despite the likely head injuries they just received. When all the soldiers are up and about again Steiner flies back to Finn.
I'm honestly just including this screenshot because this line of dialogue amuses me coming as it is from Steiner of all people.
This has got to be Barbaros!
Really? I figured we might have wandered into the southern half of Bandore by mistake.
Snark all you want but it won't ruin my good day.
With the cutscene over and the team able to move around again the courtyard is packed with NPCs to talk to.
(north 2) Halt! You're new here aren't you?
Yup! We've come a long way to get here too!
Apparently we got here just in time for... something to happen right before our eyes. (north 2) This is the honorable Kingdom of Barbaros! There are no cowards here. All of us are brave warriors... even Princess Lorele. What business brings you to Barbaros?
You mean other than you humans fighting your own princess? Yeah what gives with that? Aren't royalty for ruling and stuff? I mean, you wouldn't really attack your own princess, right? (west 1) You're wondering if I was holding back on her? Ha! She was the one holding back on me.
I wasn't addressing you specifically but... okay. Does this happen often?
(north 2) Here in Barbaros we must always be ready for battle. That means training happens every day of our lives.
You get thrown across a courtyard every day? Wow Finn I think these guys have you beat!
(west 1) No, no! That's not what he meant! Today was just... a good day for Princess Lorele to show off her mastery of the art. Out of curiosity who taught her to fight like that?
(east) I taught her how to fight, but I didn't think she would be this strong. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. You taught her to jump around and kick people like that?
(east) Yeah and?
Then why didn't you use any of the same moves against her?
(east) I was going to but, well, I thought I'd show her some of my newer moves. You're not very good at lying, human. Maybe you should practice that instead.
(east) What?! Are you...
(west 2) Woah, Princess Lorele has it all. [sic] Strength, compassion... I really admire her.
(north 2) Ed's daydreaming about the princess again. Ed, don't let the king catch you like that.
(west 2) Hmmm... Well his head is off in the clouds.
What about that Kanaar guy?
(east) You've met Kanaar? Where?
On the Island of Discipline.
He's been trying to beat the labyrinth so he can prove he's strong enough to marry Princess Lorele!
(east) So that's where he disappeared to...
(north 1) Kanaar doesn't have a prayer! What makes you say that?
(north 1) Ouch! Even though she's a woman, Princess Lorele is very strong.
Even though she's a woman? What's that supposed to mean?
Uh oh. I think someone's going to get a second beating for the day! (north 1) Well, you know how it is. Women are kind and gentle. It's up to men to be brave and strong.
Are you saying I can't be brave or strong just because I'm a girl? (north 1) Well most girls aren't.
You're right, Tont. He is about to get a second beating for the day.
Is this really necessary, sis?
It can wait till later, can't it?
...Hrm. I did promise not to kill except in self-defense. I guess I can overlook that insult for now.
Say, there's that lady the princess talked to. Maybe she knows something interesting.
Please tell me all the men in this country aren't idiots.
Don't let it get to you.
That's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
I should go with Princess Lorele. But... it's so dangerous outside. You're not a fighter?
No. Someone has to get work done around here.
Not everyone can spend their days picking fights, eh? So you're not worried that Princess Lorele could get hurt by monsters?
You saw what happened. She's one of the best warriors in Barbaros. She can take care of herself. Can I ask you something?
Sure. Go ahead.
We don't get many visitors around here. What brings you to Barbaros?
We're looking for a man named Shutat.
Big horns. Likes to hang around a pink haired sorceress. They've caused a lot of trouble.
I see. Nobody like that around here. Wait... there have been rumors of trouble in Bandore. Is this connected to that?
You bet! Shutat's bad news. If he shows up around here there will be trouble. I have no idea why he would. This place is kind of out of the way.
We can take care of ourselves but thanks for the heads-up. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Don't let the men get you down.
To be continued...
