Beyond the Beyond Update 10: Wherein We Stumble Across the Worst Puzzle In the Game (Border Church)

[ladyabaxa]

Beyond the Beyond Update 10: Wherein We Stumble Across the Worst Puzzle In the Game (Border Church)

That last update was pretty long wasn't it? Well now we're done with Marion Kingdom proper and can move along with advancing the game's plot. With the time they're supposed to meet up with Team Royals rapidly approaching Team Rugrats sets out on the third day for the border. On the way there we can have an introduction to magic by casting what our trio of humans has learned.

First up is Finn and his Fire level 1 spell versus a green slime. We've already seen palette-swapped bats so it should be no surprise that palette-swapped slimes are roaming the hills and forests of Marion Kingdom.

Fire level 1 does 13 - 14 damage for a mere 2 MP. That works out to a 1 MP per 6 damage efficiency ratio. This is enough damage to kill anything we're facing at this point in random battles in one shot or leave it severely weakened - unless they resist fire in which case they take half damage.

For our next part of this 101 session we run into a pair of flying green frogs. How are they flying? I have no idea.

Percy's learned two spells while he's been part of the group. The awaken spell removes sleep status. This isn't particularly useful because most of the time the whole group is hit with this effect and it wears off on its own after a couple turns. Somehow Percy's also learned how to cast Heal level 1. Too bad his max MP is still only 2 and he can't actually cast it yet.

This... rather cheapens everything Annie went through to gain her magical powers. *grumbles*

Well that's all the spells the humans have learned so the time has come to finally go meet up with Team Royals.

There it is. I hope the prince and Sir Samson made it here safely.
I hope so too.
The roads were so congested and all those checkpoints - I was worried we'd never get here.
We're only most of a day late. I'm sure they're fine.

We've already seen and looted the church in a previous visit so all we have to do now is walk up to the priest and have whoever is holding the Royal Pendant use it from their inventory.

In this case Percy's been holding on to it for us since walking around Marion Town with a priceless royal artifact in one's pocket is pretty foolish. Make sure to say yes to the question prompt after this or you'll get kicked to the standard church menu with associated text and have to cancel out and go back through your inventory to try again.

Well hello there children and friend dragon. What brings you back to my humble church?
I'm afraid we come on business today.

Percy shows the Royal Pendant to the pastor.

Are you Percy?
Yes. I am Percy, son of Sir Galahad.
I thought so! I've been expecting you.

The priest then operates a hidden switch to open the door to the obvious hidden path. This isn't exactly a well hidden route.

Prince Edward and Sir Samson have been waiting for you. Please go right ahead.
They've been waiting for us?
Yes. They arrived late last night with a group of travelers who were headed to the Zalagoon border. When the rest of the group left this morning they remained behind. They have been up by the shrine since noon.
I thought Arawn's priests are supposed to remain neutral.
We are but we also are bound by vows of charity and mercy - to protect dignity and quality of life. As such I cannot just sit idle and let anyone fall into the hands of evil if it can be prevented.
But I don't understand. You let the travellers go to the border where they'll find it closed.
This is a treacherous path young one and it will not open for just anyone. You will understand when you reach the doors of the shrine. Go now. Your friends have been waiting long enough for your arrival.

You are late, Finn.
Well sorry but the roads have been pretty busy thanks to Bandore.
We're here now. What can we do to help, Sir Samson?
The door to the shrine is locked. We need to get in there to reach an old tunnel.
Locked? Doesn't the pastor have a key or something?
The book, "Ancient Marion", that I took from Marion Castle tells how to get out of here. However, I can't figure out the riddle.
It says, "You must crown Venus' brow with a laurel and tiara" ... Hmmm.

I think this is about right. But now what are we supposed to do?
The puzzle looks complete. Does the book say anything else?
It also it says... [sic] "When she smiles upon the world, you shall be one step closer to Arawn."
Closer to Arawn?
I don't get it.
I'm just as mystified. What could that mean?
Well let's get a closer look. It might be something obvious that we're missing.

The party assembles and Finn approaches to see the center tile drop.

Aww, crud. Did we break something?

No. Look! The tiles are shuffling!

Wait, what? What just happened?
It looks like we have to reassemble Venus' portrait.
What kind of lock is this? Who would build such a thing?
I don't know but we don't have time to stand here wondering about it.
Prince Edward is this what you found when you got here?
No, all the blocks were down at the bottom. We raised them to the surface.
I guess I should give this pendant back to you, your majesty. I don't think we're going to need it anymore.
Ahh, yes. Thank you, Percy.

Well I hope you weren't expecting a completely arbitrary, out of place puzzle during this escape sequence because otherwise you'll be disappointed to know that's exactly what the game serves up. The doors in the northern rock wall are sealed shut by the Puzzle Gods until we solve the sliding block puzzle just handed to us. Yes, this is as annoying as it sounds and completely breaks whatever tension might have built up for this portion of the game.

Are we sure we have to do this?
*pushes on the doors* Yes. Yes we have to do this.
Again, I'd like to ask who locks up a shrine in such an elaborate manner.
If Sir Samson still had his strength he could probably just break this down.
Hah! You flatter me kid but even I'm not strong enough to budge these. Trust me on that.

Moving the pieces is as simple as just stepping on the one you want to move either facing the direction you want it to go or moving off the empty space onto it. In this shot Finn stepped onto the moving piece and it responded by sliding into the empty spot in the center.

This is the the single most annoying puzzle in the entire game to the point where people get frustrated and give up playing entirely or end up consulting an FAQ that tells them how to solve this (randomly generated!) puzzle by way of a mathematical grid system. Thankfully the game will never generate an unsolvable version of this puzzle so persistence will eventually prevail. You could also record the shuffling sequence and play it back in reverse order to reach a solution.

Wait, wait, wait! Why are we spending time doing this? Finn, we should just ask the priest to unlock the shrine for us!
I'm not so sure, Steiner. He seemed convinced this was the only way in.
It would only take a minute to ask, though. Surely there's no harm in that, right?
I guess not.
Wait, someone's approaching.

The screen scrolls down to show that Ramue and her two lackies have caught up. They've also killed or knocked out the priest.

So this is where you've been hiding.
This can't be good.
Oh no! She found us!
I let you go once, but I can't let you go this time. More then just our pride is on the line.
You have pride in anything?
Why of course my little barbarian. Lord Shutat was most displeased to hear that a guest of his was snatched away.
Don't tell me you're going to try more of those magic tricks this time.
Oh no. I'm afraid you've used up all the mercy I can offer. *turns to the orcs* Men! Finish him.

The three of them then jump on the party to initiate a battle. Seriously.

How tough could she be?
Be careful, everyone! I sense a surge of magic.
I warned you that if we met again I'd fight for real. Now I don't have to hold back. Spirits of the earth and sky hear my call!

Scorch my foes with your purifying flames!

Pictured: Samson isn't the only one who can toggle on God Mode in battle.

AAAHHH! Huff, huff.
What? You're still standing? I must say I'm rather suprised a child could withstand that. No matter, though.

I've found these spirits work best in pairs!

That was how the first round ended. We got to do absolutely nothing but be horribly burned by Ramue's magic. She is an actual boss and this being a Camelot game that means she gets two turns every round. Even if she doesn't nuke everyone with Firedrake spells she'll still groggy two people with physical attacks.

You there with the staff! Let's see how well you handle it!
AAUMPH!
Not well it seems.

You Marion rats are beginning to bore me. Not only do I have to do all the work but you can't even appreciate my spellcraft.

You still have some fight left in you?
*sounds of bones cracking*
I think I spoke a little too soon.

What about you?
Why are you.... AARGFF!
*sighs* Marion can't even raise children correctly. What a disgrace.

Hmph, when I was a child I had to fight for survival and was good at it long before I was an adult.
Ha, ha, I got him!
Even Samson crumbles before us? How pathetic! You couldn't shake off one tiny little curse to put up even the most basic struggle! You knights are so annoying. You're so cheerful and proud but you're terrible at doing anything but blustering your lives away. Die, fool and join your comrades who perished defending their pathetic castle!

As might be evident this fight isn't going well. The Ork Lords have a high critical chance for this battle and they're taking advantage of it whenever Ramue isn't attacking to groggy and kill whoever Ramue hasn't pulverized.

*panicked* We can't fight them!

That's what I like to hear. Scream! Rage! I want to see you suffer before you die!

I'm afraid, dear prince, that Lord Shutat didn't specify that he wanted you back alive. He wanted the problem of your escape dealt with. Now, I've dealt with it.
Finn! NOOOO!
Mistress Ramue the little dragon is flying away.
Let it go. Chasing a dragon so small is beneath us.

DIE!
Honestly, if Samson was going to rely on hired muscle he could have done a better job in the recruitment process. This is just pathetic.

Finn, Percy!
Die, human pipsqueak!

As Annie collapses darkness engulfs the party.

No... It can't end like this!
HAHAHA! Oh that felt so good! These Marion peons die so easily yet its still so satisfying.
What should we do with the bodies, Mistress Ramue?
We only need Samson and the prince. Leave the others to rot. *silence* Don't look at me like that! *silence* Oh all right you can have whatever money and valuables you find.

Blood has been spilled...

Thank you Mistress Ramue.
I must say that was easier then I expected. Those brats left such an obvious trail. The prince would have been better off if he had just trusted only in Samson. Oh well. This might not have been what Lord Shutat intended when he ordered me to pursue but, well, he should have specified a little better.
For kids these humans are pretty loaded. There's two, maybe three hundred gold here.
Huh? Mistress Ramue!
What is it now?

Annie...

The blonde kid has the seal of the Marion Knights on his sword.
WHAT?! Let me see that.

Who... who are you?

This is a knight's seal all right. Yet it's not like the others.
What... should we do with it Mistress Ramue?
*mutters* He's a knight? But... Who did we just kill?
Mistress Ramue?
Oh, uh, just forget it. He's dead now so he couldn't have been that important.

Listen.
Where are you?!

Urgh, Samson is heavy!
Oh quit complaining you big babies. *silence* Wait, let me see him.
Yes Mistress Ramue.

I don't understand. What are you trying to say?

Ah, ha! I thought so. Oh you silly barbarian, trying to hide the mark of the Marion Knights yet still too proud to just stop wearing it in the first place. And... what's this old book?
Mistress Ramue?
*lips move slowly* Hmm, well we can translate it when we get back. Lord Shutat is going to be interested when I tell him about this! *silence* Well don't just stand there get moving you two!

Remember...
But I don't even know what you're talking about!

...the agreement....

W-what was that!
What are you two fools blathering about? Hurry up! We don't have all day!
Mistress Ramue something is wrong!
Oh quit your whining and get back to work!
There!
What... what is that?!

You have broken the agreement, warlock.

That voice!
Ahh! Such a bright light! I can't see!
Stand your ground! It's only a spirit. It can't harm us.

--BONUS CONTENT--

Ramue A Bandore general who reports directly to Shutat. Her magic abilities are great, with a certain specialty in curses. She is so cold-hearted that it is said she has tormented enemy soldiers to death as if they were animals rather than men.

Again the game assumes all soldiers are male... in the description text for a female Bandore general. Did no one proofread this stuff?

Actually she's part of the final boss rush so yeah there's just about no way to beat her here without straight up cheating. People have actually done just that. There's no point, however, as it just coughs up a little experience and has no impact on the story.

Next time on Beyond the Beyond - things went sour in a big hurry didn't they? I guess next time we're going to find out if the team's luck has run out.

Update Nine | Index | Update Eleven